Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Hike


"I only went out for a walk and finally concluded to stay out until sundown, for going out, I found, was really going in." ~John Muir

Robert and I took the kids for a nature hike on Saturday. The weather here is still in the balmy high 70's, so it wasn't exactly a crisp fall walk reminiscent of my northern-living days. Nonetheless, something happens to me even when I walk through the smallest patch of nature. I find it soothing and calming... I feel as though I can hear God better or maybe myself a little less.
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As I was walking, in the midst of Robert and I assuaging arguments over whose turn it was to ride in the jogging stroller, I was thinking about the looming transition.... by that I mean being on the cusp of so many shifts in the direction of my business. Sometimes, it feels like a dream come true, like childhood aspirations to be a "fashion designer." In a way, that's what I am. I guess, more appropriately, though, I would be an entrepreneur. That label, to me, feels satisfying, like something that has been dying to get out since I was in my 20's, miserably waiting tables. I feel like I am starting to arrive at something I knew was always coming.

Then there are other days where the whole kit and caboodle feels lousy. Like this afternoon, when Mia asked me in her sweet little voice to read more books, and I think, But don't you know I have a to-do list a mile long that I need to chip away at just as soon as it's your nap time? It's exhausting having to maximize every spare minute--to be efficient when I never really can. {Toddler and efficiency are antonyms, if you didn't know by personal experience.} In that vein, I feel I should send you all a global apology for the email I said I would write, the items I said I would list, the phone call I said I would make, the wish list I have barely looked at, and so on. For all those things I have yet to get to, I am sorry.



Sometimes I feel as though I am sitting there, head cocked, watching molasses drip from a jar and all the while I want to wag my finger and say, "You there, move faster." But it is happening; big projects are in the works, and other projects have to wait. But don't we all do that to ourselves? When I just get to point A, I'll relax... I'll take better care of myself, be more satisfied, less anxious, a better mother...

So, I am trying to dial down the internal momentum that says, faster, push harder. I'm trying to close my eyes, take a deep breath, and be okay with waiting and realize that slow doesn't mean bad. So, for whatever thing has you restless and waiting, I pray you find contentment in today, peace in the idle moments, and joy in the journey.

8 comments:

Amy said...

Praying for you girl....know God has the perfect timing. So excited for you. You're good on my end. :)

jocelyn teo said...

i was pretty disappointed in my low productivity today (am preparing for a miniature fair in December, i sculpt miniatures!). and this blog entry was just something I really needed to boost my spirits! :)

thanks Jessica! :)

and have i mentioned I'm your secret blog stalker haha, i love your blog and have it on the list of inspirational blogs on mine. :)

LaDawn D said...

Jess,
I hope you realize how amazing you really are. Many of us readers/stalkers all feel the desire to do more, be MORE. I think you encompass what we wish we had the nerve to attempt. The easier path in life does not lead to accomplishment or fulfillment. Trust yourself....trust God...that you have these amazing opportunities before you because it is what you are supposed to do with you life.

I never would have found SO MANY of these inspirational and amazing women without having purchased a pair of you perect shoes. You have given me a place to find peace and contentment...right here listening to your stories of struggle and accomplishment. YOU make ME want to be more, do more...in all aspects of my life.

I dont know one mother that feels that she has enough time with her children. I dont know one entrepeneur that has said their work was not worth their rewards. Your day is coming when you can sit back and enjoy the fruits of your labor. We all understand your grief and worry...dont think that we are worried about getting new blog posts, or give aways, or shoes shipped for us. We just love having a chance to know YOU! Many Prayers and Blessings to you and your amazing family.

Anonymous said...

Is anyone else having trouble loading the voting post?

Alisha said...

Yes, exactly what LaDawn said :)

Jessica ~ you are in my prayers...

Whimsical Creations said...

Deep breath...

Mande said...

Yes, Ladawn's & Alisha's comments exactly. :)

Blessings to you and may you find time to take many more nature walks with your family. :)

Anonymous said...

Wonderfully written post.

And with that- off goes the computer for the day :)

~Katie (the weather girl)

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